I Love Cooking With Wine

 Sometimes I even put it in the food.

The Reason

I stopped singing. If he didn't like something I wore I donated it or put it in the rummage sale box. He mocked my dreams and aspirations. This is why I got divorced. And why I'm happier on my own.

 

Technology Advances!

How is it that as television sets become smarter and better and larger but lighter they also become less expensive? Do I now have to think about this in terms of 2010 dollars vs today's dollar or 2019 dollars? Which are the years that I have purchased a new TV. This is making my brain hurt. But the upside is that I now have the smaller, older, nonsmart TV in my bedroom. While the new, smart TV is residing in the living room. I can now conveniently fall asleep in my bed while watching rather than on the couch. This must be progress.

I Can No Longer Resist

Just a little over a year ago we lost our dear little Newton. I have been sorely missing feline companionship ever since then. And lacking a basement, I was puzzling over litter box placement and other assorted cat necessities. Today I became aware that there is furniture expressly designed to hide away the smell and eyesore of the cat bathroom. Behold!

I just ordered this. Now I am feeling like there will be new kitties in my future. And yes, I will be adopting from a shelter. I shall keep y'all posted.

The (not) Creation of Adam

God bestoweth coffee unto Adam.

FrankNFurter taketh God's place.

 

Cat smites God.

The Resilience of Mentha x suavis

The mint has survived the winter. At least, what passes for winter here. Mint always survives. After the apocalypse there will be cockroaches, Twinkies, and mint. Since booze doesn't spoil, it's good to know that we can enjoy a mojito in the darkest of futures. Cheers! 

One Perfect Tulip

And a few weeds. And the lamiastrum that survived the winter.

 

Multitasking

 

Hello?

I haven't blogged in two weeks. Why is it that sometimes this is effortless and sometimes it's drudgery. Yesterday I did something. I entered a poetry contest. Perhaps at last I will be published? Just a little bit ago I posted a comment on social media about the fact that stud and slut have only one letter different between them, yet slut is a derogatory term and stud is a compliment. Several men have commented and made it clear there is a reason for that. Proving that they are pigs who ought to be grateful to any woman who parts their legs and invites them in. Last Saturday I got in line at an Arbor Day event and got a couple of trees that need to be planted. I am designating tomorrow tree planting day. I suppose I should post photos to prove it. That I went outdoors and did something constructive in the yard. I have my backyard garden space planned out in my head, where the boxes and pots of soil should go for the planting of tomatoes, squash, herbs, and cucumbers. I just need to nudge myself and get it done. All I know is, there will be no fresh veggies just outside my door if I don't. 

   

Reflecting Light

I remain ambiguous about Gilmore Girls. There were things I loved and things I disliked, things that annoyed me. But it did give me this song. And I remain grateful for that.

Better Rug Pic

Okay. No pause stuff on the screen distracting from the other stuff. Plus no subtitles. Here we have a far better capture of the rug in Logan's (Rory's BF) apartment. Which has been paid up for another year. As you can see, it is most certainly not a doppelganger for my rug that is now out on the sittooterie. This rug is merely reminiscent of my rug. It is similarly colored. And in motion could perhaps pass for my rug. But no. It is not. Once again, two out of three ain't bad.

This Has Happened Before

Once again my exquisite taste in decorating has appeared on a screen. Here we have a rug that appears in Rory's boyfriend's apartment on Season 6, Episode 14 of Gilmore Girls, entitled You've Been Gilmored.

 My apologies for the terrible resolution. Actually, the terrible photo overall. Which was all I could manage with Netflix paused. The lower left hand corner of the TV screen shows an area rug. Enough of it that I can comfortably ascertain that it is the same rug that was in the sitting room in my house in Colorado.

Okay. Not identical. But verrrrrrry close. Very close indeed. Swirls outlined in black. Large swaths of red, beige, cream, and brown. Maybe I didn't quite nail it this time. But I did here. And here. As we all know, Meat Loaf said it best when he declared in song that two out of three ain't bad. That's good enough for me.

Balance

 

Beware The Ides

 

Happy Pi(e) Day!

We are kicking off Pi(e) Day with a quiche. Sage sausage, Gruyere cheese, carmelized onion, and mushrooms in a luscious, savory egg and cream custard. I think it's a pizza night. Maybe a movie. Mystic Pizza, anyone?  

First Anniversary

One year ago this evening I arrived at my new home. It was dark. It was raining. Fortunately, my studious porings over of the map prior to getting here got me where I was going. I was thrown a bit by unexpected one-way streets that ran me around in a circle. But all in all, things worked out nicely. Once through the four locks on the front entrance I opened the garage door and parked inside. Unloading in the pouring rain is no fun at all. Bringing only the essentials into the house, I managed to put up a shower curtain so I could clean off the road dust. Turning up the thermostat to a more liveable temp was in order as was the inflating of the air bed. After spending the better part of two days in my car I was pooped and proceeded to sleep for fourteen hours. It was a good first night's sleep. I like it here. Think I'll stay awhile.

Edgar's Long Lost Brother

 Y'all know and love Edgar. My satyr angel fella that lives out in the back garden. He's been with me for over twenty years. After falling into serious adoration with him at a garden store in the suburbs of Minneapolis in 2001, I paid the ransom and brought him home with me to South Dakota. This is his current spot guarding a corner of the garden shed here in Washington. 

Here we find Edgar with a bit of snowfall in the back garden in Colorado. He looks so handsome in profile.

Oops. That's Poe in the corner of the pot.

Ah, yes. Edgar is being a very good sport over the fact that he is sporting bunny ears. I hope he has forgiven me. This is the back garden in South Dakota.

This is another fellow entirely. The younger son sent me this photo. Thinking I might enjoy it because this guy, who is referred to as the Cargoyle, due to his resemblance to Edgar. He isn't called the Cargoyle due to his resemblance to Edgar, but because he is riding in a car. Just thought I'd make that clear. All I know is, I'm delighted that there are others who share my taste in garden statues. It gives me hope for the world.

Truth Path, Anyone?

 

Attagirl!

It is March. I have not purchased clothing for myself. Yay me on my 2024 resolution. Sixty days and counting!

Tilting Toward Theocracy

I have no words. Wait, yes I do. How the serious fuck can you become a judge without a clear understanding of the separation of church and state?!?

 Eligible for the carpool lane. 

My Contemplative Month

Thirty-eight years ago today was my wedding day. Which means I have been single again for nearly as long as I was married. Today is no longer a day that I celebrate, nor is it a day that triggers great sorrow or joy. It's a fact. February, for me, is riddled with dates that do trigger deep emotions. Obviously the 14th, Valentine's Day. And while it has been some time since I had a romantic partner in my life, it has come to be a day of gratitude for all the forms of love that do exist for me. I celebrate that. Yesterday was the birthday of my brother Cullen, whom I have written about here many times. He would have been sixty. A number of years ago I arrived at a place where his birthday triggers more love and happiness for having known him than sadness over his death. Though I still feel as though I should be able to pick up my phone and give him a call. So we could do what we used to do. Talk about everything and nothing, the ridiculous as well as the sublime. I still have some of his ashes that I plan to inter when I plant a tree for him here. February 21st is a difficult day. What happened on that day not too many years ago became a source of fear and pain, and for some time triggered panic attacks and anxiety. I have mostly worked my way through those negative reactions, I remind myself that it is also my dear friend Sara's birthday and focus on that. A Leap year is upon us which reminds me that my friend Tigh will be all of nine years old the end of the month. The twenty-ninth is also the day that my father died four years ago. I was not close to my father. At the time of his death I had not seen him since 1993, nearly twenty-seven years. I've searched his name on the internets a few times and still have not seen a death notice or obituary. This means part of my lizard brain would not be surprised should he appear at my door. My rational brain tells me that he was suffering from dementia and did not know how to Google so it's not likely at all that he would be able to find me. Eleven more days to contemplate. Let's hope for the best.

 

Can We Talk?

Here we see Jessica Lange portraying the faded, somewhat dusty Southern belle, Lillie Mae Faulk Capote in the series Feud: Capote vs the Swans.  

Here we have Madame, the puppet created by Wayland Flowers. I see a resemblance to Miss Lillie Mae. Maybe it's the whole Southern thang. I'd enjoy seeing them together, dishing gossip with all their mellifluous charm. Sipping mint juleps. A couple of sassy magnolias.

The Mathematics of Love

 

Asymptote of Healing

Bruised and battered, broken

Gaping holes of longing

Lingering within

Begging to be filled with anything

Something

To ease the pain of dealing

With each new day that’s dawning

Mired down

In the persistence of living

Without what you named essential

Now lost to you forever

Acceptance, faith and patience

Close and mend the wounds internal

Approaching

Never reaching zero

Healing full yet not complete

What remains alive inside

That thinnest slice of quickness

Is the scar of lessons learned

And room though just enough

For seeds of love to grow replete

I wrote this a long time ago. At nearly twenty years post-breakup, I have to say it's accurate. I have healed, but there is a scar, the scar has faded.

Super Bowl Sunday

I'm not into football. No favorite team, no depth of knowledge on players, nothin'. But today's game, Super Bowl LVIII, was played at Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas, Nevada. And that little bit of knowledge caused me to scroll back in my photos to November 2019. I happened to be in LV to see Santana at House of Blues, which was a most excellent concert. The next morning I snapped a few pics to capture the view outside the hotel room window. And what is that roundish thing just across the freeway? Yes! It's Allegiant Stadium under construction! It was open for business a mere eight months later. So there you have it. A rare instance of me knowing something about a football game. Pardon me while I ring up a friend in Hell to ask what the weather is like.

PS: The Kansas City Chiefs won. Overtime. Final score 25-22. There is no joy for the 49ers tonight.

Mr ROY G

 Mr BIV was not in attendance.

Avoiding Filing My Income Tax

I just ran across this scribbled note while cleaning my desk and organizing for filing my taxes. Which I have so far avoided doing. Because I run across interesting things like this scribbled note. I wish I could give credit to the author but I have a bad habit of scribbling things down when listening to a podcast or watching a video and then losing the scrap of paper on my mess of a desk. Sometimes for weeks. Months, perhaps. Which brings us full circle. I would like to share what is written here and hope the person whose mind it sprung from will see this and take credit. I think it's brilliant. 

Infidelity has always existed, since marriage was invented. It's very complex and we can't reduce these multi-layered human experiences to good and bad, victim and perpetrator, and black and white. In relationships we need to bring back complexity, nuance, and less judgement and more reflection.

This brings to mind a conversation in a grocery store aisle I had with an acquaintance shortly after I had become single again. It seems she had seen my divorce in the court news in the local newspaper. She blurted out a pretty rude question. She was curious as to whether I had been the slut or had my husband been the slut. As if infidelity could be the only possible reason for ending a marriage. I was astonished. I responded that I had not seen her in months, and if she was interested in why my marriage failed perhaps we should get a coffee or a beer and I would tell her all about it. But that never happened. So there was no sharing of beverages over which we could have had a real dialogue. She wanted a neat and easy answer that doesn't exist. She'll never know the pain and agony over ending it, the months of therapy, the loss of intimacy, the anger, the passive-aggressive behavior, the concern for our two sons, the financial worries. All she wanted to know was if either of us had bumped uglies outside the sacred bonds of our marriage. I guess that makes for better gossip. And less contemplation.

Thank You, HBC

Some days I wake up in the morning with my hair doing a second rate homage to Helena Bonham Carter. And I think to myself, this is going to be a magickal day.

 

Mother Earth Awakens

 

Seventeen

Seventeen years ago today I created my first blog post under this banner. Although in those times I was the "perimenopausal goddess". After attaining fully menopausal status a few years later I became the "recalcitrant goddess". I remain recalcitrant to this day. As of this moment I have 826,359 views and this will be my 4203rd post. I still have stuff to say and photos to share, although at this point I do wonder if I am repeating myself. I'm not holding my breath about perhaps getting a book deal. I have blogged and blathered at you from three states I call home and numerous temporary travel locations. Many of the friends and aquaintances who were blogging around the time that I started have long ago stopped posting. I guess I'm in it for the long haul. If anyone is looking for me, I'll be out in the garage finishing up the assemblage of a storage cabinet. Which is what it will contain when it is finished. Thanks for stopping by.

Neighborhood Cat

A Kliban cat lives a block or so away. Look at that attitude! The girth! I really thought he would speak as we walked past! Or pull a tiny guitar out of hammer space and sing the ditty about how he loves to eat mousies. I love this guy!

A Long Time Ago in a Trailer House Far Away

That's me, circa 1984. Short hair phase. I'm wearing the wool sweater that my Norwegian grandparents brought home for me after their first (second?) trip to the homeland. I loved that sweater but I had to wear a long sleeved tee or turtleneck under it to avoid the itchies. Which means that this is during the long and brutal South Dakota winter, making such layering comfortable. I have no recollection as to why my hands are tucked under my thigh in that fashion. These were the early days of the budding romance between me and the man I would eventually marry. So I'm smiling. For a time I think this snapshot was up on his cubicle wall at work. Now I'm in possession of it. It's a picture of myself that I actually like. Probably because I feel comfortable being me at the moment. Plus I'm beginning to realize that I'm in love. That should put a smile on anyone's face.

 

Burnt Toast

This morning I prepared my breakfast as usual. Mostly. The tea was lovely. Somehow I was distracted when I lowered the lever on the toaster. Because I had already done that five or so minutes earlier. Resulting in toasting the toast twice. Rendering it charred. The smoke alarm went off. I disposed of the burnt offering which immediatly made me feel guilty. I started another round of toast which was toasted to perfection. I did eat the second round of toast. Since I like to do new stupid things rather than repeat a stupid thing from the past, toasting the toast twice was a novel thing to do. I hope to never do it again. If I do, perhaps I am embarking down the road to senility. Let's not go there. For a very long time. All I know is, it still smells like burnt toast in the hall.   

It Snowed a Tiny Bit

 

Elvis Would Have Been 89 Yesterday

Christmas is all packed away. Snow is predicted for tomorrow. I have prepared for this stormy weather by stocking up on groceries. Despite the fact that I am an experienced winter weather driver, I will not be leaving the house. Due to the likelihood that I am in the minority here where that particular skill is concerned. I learned my winter driving skills in North Dakota in a rear-wheel-drive vehicle. I know how that shit works. In other news, my quest to return my piece of crap refrigerator may finally be resolved today. All I know is, I will never again purchase another LG appliance. Stay tuned. To my great surprise, the little succulent plant that I thought was plastic is not. It is a live thing. It came attached to a stick in a Trader Joe's bouquet of flowers a couple of months ago. So after packing it away with other decor items to make way for holiday things, I found it had dropped some leaves and was growing little hairy roots looking for water! Now I'm trying to not kill it. And finally, nine days into the new year I have not purchased any clothing. Though in Marshall's yesterday I did covet a sweater while shopping for containers to organize my garage. I bought some baskets, not a sweater, and they will work nicely inside the metal cabinet that is waiting to be assembled. I long to have the space to park my lawnmower in the garage. 

Resolute #2

I'm certain everyone is interested in knowing that I have been successful in the second day of my 2024 resolution. I have purchased absolutely no clothing. Pardon me while I wrench my shoulder patting myself on the back.

  

Resolute!

I rarely make a New Year's resolution. But this idea has been percolating through my brain since I moved last year. For months now I have been sorting through things and organizing this house. And despite the fact that I got rid of sooooo much stuff before the move, I am finding that I am donating or selling even more items after moving. Much of this stuff is clothing. So. My resolution is to buy no clothing in 2024. Not a scrap of clothing for myself! None! Zero! Nary a sock or pair of panties or even a hat! While I am resolute to succeed in this mission a mere seventeen hours into this first day, I crumbled just a bit when I saw that $10 in Kohl's cash had arrived in my email. I reminded myself that practical things for the home can be found at Kohl's, not just cute casual wear and comfy sweats and jammies. I will let you know if I should break down and buy something. I know this is an uphill battle. Only 9% of people are able to keep their resolution for the full year. One day down, 365 to go! After all, it is a leap year.