To Each His Own

Newton enjoys licking plastic bags. To my knowledge they taste neither like fish or his private parts. Which are other things he enjoys licking. If he does not derive pleasure from this activity, I am not willing to cross the catbrane to find out. Maybe he just likes the noise. Last night Reid captured Newt on video licking a plastic bag. I'm sharing it with you so you, too, can enjoy my weird, plastic-licking cat in action. 

Hobbes and the Hanging Spiderish Thing

Hobbes has moved out to the garage. Here we see him fascinated by some of the local wildlife. Normally, when he isn't distracted, he makes himself useful by illuminating whatever I might be working on. If you recognize the dangling critter, good eye! He was previously seen here.

A Tiny Bit of Spring

Carniversary

I just made that up. The title, actually the one word that is the title. I just made it up. Just thought you might like to know that Pearl and I have been together for thirteen years now. Lots of miles down lots of roads we have traveled and with any luck, lots, lots more. My little blue Subaru and me. Happy carniversary to us!

The Body Politic

Graphic designed by David Vargo

In the mood for a little theater while you're quarantined? Of course you are! My most talented cousin Cory Skurdal wrote this one act play and it is full of everything you crave. Pottymouth ladies drinking cocktails and discussing what happened in the basement. I could make you type in the link from the graphic, but I'll be uncharacteristically nice. Go here. Watch. Be entertained. But hurry! The link is only good through Thursday, April 30. You're welcome.

Chicken Salad, Anyone?

This is perhaps the most delicious mustard I have ever tasted. Ever. Braswell's Select Champagne Dill Mustard. If you can find it, buy it. And I have the perfect application for it. Chicken salad. You can put it on a croissant, you can eat it dolloped on crackers. Or you can do what I do. Get a fork and eat it straight out of the prep bowl. The following instructions are for a single serving amount, you can adjust for how many people you are feeding. As is often the case with my cooking, the measurements are imprecise, but you're a smart cookie, you'll figure it out. This is how you do it. First, get a bowl. Toss about one quarter cup of mayo in there. Mayonnaise, mind you, not salad dressing. And a good brand like Hellman's or Kraft. And the full fat stuff, not some lo-cal impostor. Then add about a tablespoon of mustard, preferably the delicious variety I have. Mix together and you have your dressing. After that toss in chopped celery, green grapes cut in half, chunks of cooked chicken, and coarsely chopped pecans in whatever proportion makes you happy. Then toss together so the dressing is distributed nicely. The end result should be between one and a half and two cups total. The only thing that would improve this recipe would be the addition of some dried cranberries, but sadly, I didn't have any on hand. I enjoyed this delectable dish for lunch yesterday as well as today and I can't imagine tiring of it anytime soon. Go forth and make chicken salad, my children. You'll be happy you did.

Taming the Backyard

There she is. My new favorite toy. It took three sessions of tilling to prepare the future lawn area for seeding and watering. I underestimated that it would take nearly all of my spoons for the day for three days. Three days! Phew. The only complaint I have is that it would be nice if the handle was adjustable. If I could lower it six inches it would be perfect! I realized that when I was tilling toward the deck and had to step up on it to get right next to it, making me about six inches taller. Suddenly things were so much easier!  

And behold, the well-tilled, seeded, and watered proto lawn. One more good watering tonight and then two per day until it sprouts, then once a day until it's thick enough to mow. 

In another area of the backyard, it's quite apparent that the peach tree is still dead. Removing it will be another project all on its own. 

Thanks to Mother Nature's laborious efforts over the last two and a half years, stripping the deck of paint is progressing nicely. When it's all bare, it will be time for waterproofing with perhaps a little stain mixed in to make it all pretty again. And now for a shower and a beer.

Yes, Virginia, There is an Idiot in the White House

Much as I hate to sully this blog with the presence of the orange one, I feel I must share this for the public good. While I think injecting disinfectant into your body is a very bad idea, blowing sunshine up someone's ass is relatively harmless and might be worth a try. This is a cautionary tale, children. When you're the stupidest person in the room you should stay quiet, and maybe no one will know. Or you could do what this guy does on a daily basis. With cameras, microphones, the press, and we the people as witnesses. Open your mouth, say some totally idiotic things and remove all doubt that you're the stupidest person in the room building world universe. 

Confused Poinsettia

As you can see, my poinsettia is forming colorful bracts in April. To my knowledge we have not moved to the Southern Hemisphere. I'm just happy that it has survived in my care for nearly a year and a half. If you ask me, it can bloom any old time it pleases. 

Quarantine Story

The COVID-19 quarantine has me thinking about a smaller scale sheltering-in that I experienced in the fall of 1972. Much smaller. One household. The household I happened to be a member of. It lasted a week and the four of us kids were stuck inside with each other. The reason? My younger brother had been diagnosed with a possible case of scarlet fever. He had a rash and an elevated temperature, but this being nearly fifty years ago, the lab test to verify the diagnosis would take nearly a week to be completed. So we were quarantined. My mother was allowed to go to work at the law firm where she was a legal assistant because that wasn't considered an enormous risk. Scarlet fever is most dangerous for and most contagious among those between the ages of five and fifteen, and three of the four of us kids were in that hot zone. Spreading the infection in school would have been a very bad thing. I was a sophomore in high school at the time and was never so happy to have my own room as during this lockdown. It was a welcome escape from my siblings and I do remember sleeping late after reading late into the night. We all had our assignments from school and all of our various textbooks and workbooks were delivered to our door. My memories of that week are a bit sketchy, mostly I remember reading to my little brother and placing a cool washcloth on his forehead to make him more comfortable. I also remember helping my little sis with some of her schoolwork. For the most part I managed to keep up in all of my classes with the exception of one. It didn't seem to matter how much time and effort I had put into learning vocabulary and practicing my accent during that week, when I was thrust back into German I class my brain completely froze up. I don't remember my teacher's name, only that he was small in stature and wore large glasses. He would stroll up and down the aisles between the desks and randomly address students, asking questions in German and expecting us to respond in kind. I expect I had something of a deer-in-the-headlights expression on my face when he stopped next to me and asked, "Wie geht es dir?", and I responded feebly "Montag?"I ended up dropping first year German, which was very disappointing for me. In the end it was determined that my brother did not have scarlet fever and life pretty much returned to normal. Into the sixth week of the coronavirus shutdown, I have to say it's been tolerable, though weird. I have lots of projects to work on around the house and still go for walks when the weather cooperates. We can still have a pizza and movie night and I have been cooking and baking more than I normally do. I have had to be more organized about shopping and have done a pretty good job of managing to grocery shop every two weeks to limit my exposure. I am grateful that I have a comfortable home to shelter in with many electronic distractions available. As a retired person, being absent from work is not an issue for me. But my retirement accounts have taken a beating with the tanking of the stock market. I can't predict what the fallout from this pandemic will be, I'm just one person whose experience with it will be a mixed bag of blessings and shortfalls. Privilege in this country has never been so obvious. We're all in this together, but some of us are in leaky rowboats and some of us are on private luxury yachts.

It's Not All About The Money

"A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business."

 Henry Ford

Take that, you miserable hedge fund managers! And all of you deplorable, greedy assholes with business school degrees! And the CEOs and other high ranking executives who think that delivering profits to your shareholders is your primary responsibility! Which reminds me of a great article I read a couple of years ago that all of you should read, too. Henry Ford may have been a tyrant and a bit of a bully, but he was spot on right in the above quote.

I'm the Plague

Really, I'm Just Dr Mom

Mantis Magic

I know, this would be way more impressive had I taken a before photo. Let me describe before for you. Weedy and grayish, with some sad little tendrils of grass poking up that I planted a year and a half ago. Now it has been tilled and raked, with another tilling and raking to do tomorrow. Tilling, you say? Indeed I did! Less then two hours ago I ventured out into the almost entirely cleaned and organized garage and assembled my new Mantis tiller! I gotta say this is the sweetest little gardening tool ever. Today was an experimental run to practice minding the cord and the general handling of the thing. The area was in an ideal state for tilling, the recent snow had melted into the ground over the last couple of days leaving it soft but not mooshy. I did miss a few small areas and also need to use the shovel to loosen things up next to the patio stones and sidewalk. I am pleased with these first results and can't wait to get back out there tomorrow. The cranky hands need some cannabis cream and a good rest overnight to be ready for stage two. Maybe a glass of wine, too. Not while I'm tilling. With dinner. This time around I'm seeding with about 75% dwarf clover and 25% drought resistant grass seed, the same stuff I used the first time I attempted creating a lawn in this space. So maybe my dreams of a beautiful, lower maintenance, low water consumption clover lawn will become a reality this year. Crossing my brown thumbs just in case.

Do You Do This?

Or is it just me? It might be just me. When I finish watching a series on Netflix, I almost always watch the first episode again. Right on the tail of the series finale. It's interesting in the case of a multiple year series how the characters zap right back into their younger selves. I like seeing again what appealed to me and drew me in to watch more. The manner in which the actors settle into playing their characters over time is also fun to watch. And I tend to stop after that. Like it's too soon to put them through all the agonizing stuff to come again. Because you know how it all ends. A handful of series I have watched multiple times. Downton Abbey. Firefly. The West Wing. Some that I have made it through to the end do not beckon to me for a second run even though I was very entertained by them. Lost. Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. Longmire. Then there are those I will likely give another look-see in teir entirety when they have ended their run. Schitt's Creek. The Good Place. Lucifer. I can't quite pin down why multiple viewings of some series appeals to me, much like the movies I rewatch on sort of an annual basis. Maybe it feels like visiting old friends. Feeling free to shout nooooooooooo! at the screen when I know darn well they don't listen. All I know is, I haven't spent this much time in front of the tv ever in my life. I like to call it keeping my sanity in the time of Covid-19.

My April Winter Wonderland

Optimism

When you bring the deck umbrella out from a dark corner of the garage on a warm, sunny March afternoon. That's optimism. And then leave it there to collect snow, not just once, but now for the fourth time. Stubbornly going for the record.

Clever Librarians

Gotta love 'em. Even they have too much time on their hands.

After The Ending

Alas

There was no dirt to be found.

So there was no gardening today.

Friday Was Good

1. It was time for the biweekly trek out of isolation for supplies.

2. Meaning I had not left the house for two weeks.

3. The predicted weather was sunny with highs in the mid-seventies.

4. In reference to Item 2, I had actually left the house, but only for a walk through the neighborhood.

5. Also in reference to Item 2, this means I had been living in jammies and sweats for two weeks.

6. In reference to Item 5, this means I put on a proper bra for the first time in two weeks.

7. Also in reference to Item 2, I had not put on makeup for two weeks.

8. Also in reference to Item 2, I had not put on earrings in two weeks.

9. In reference to Item 8, it was moderately painful to push those posts through the earholes.

10. Grocery shopping was successful, as was obtaining other various necessary goods.

11. In reference to Item 10, there was nary a package of toilet paper in sight in any of the four retail establishments I visited.

12. I was happy to see that in two of the retail establishments I visited that they were limiting the number of shoppers in the store in order to maintain social distancing. 

13. Yes, I wore a mask.

14. Yes, the son and I both have a container of sanitizing wipes in the car.

15. In reference to Item 14, yes, we use them.

My New Favorite Word

This is one artist's interpretation of how one looks. Though I happened to hear about it in reference to the current occupant of the White House.

And this is the word and its definition. I'm thinking that if twatwaffle is feminine, cockwomble would have to be the male counterpart. Let's hope they don't form a breeding pair and reproduce.

Getting There

Cleaning the garage has been my focus the last couple of days. I am happy to report that my lady cave space is taking shape nicely. If you detect a pink flamingo theme, you would be correct.

This still looks pretty bad, but all it really needs now is sorting and organization. Trash has been hauled out, cobwebs have been removed, the floor has been vacuumed. I don't know how I'll possibly manage when I can find my tools when I need them.

The trash pile. If anyone knows a repurpose for the slats from blinds, the ones you remove when you shorten them up to fit a window, please let me know. Before Monday. After that they will be gone, gone, gone.

Behold the scrap wood pile. Some of this will go toward construction of my compost bins, some of it will end up in the firepit, some of it I'll store for future projects, and some of it is trash. Other numerous items were relocated to the garden shed. This is normally when my attention gets pulled away from garage cleaning by more urgent things, but this time, I swear, this is getting done. I know, photos or it didn't happen. 

Gesundheit!

In light of the fact that a plague is upon us and people are encouraged to mask up, stay at least six feet away from others when they are out in public, wash their hands frequently, and sneeze or cough into their elbow pits, I thought this bore repeating. Gesundheit!

My Smartphone is Terribly Smart

My phone rings. I pick it up and notice that the call is being labeled as Potential Spam on the screen. Just for fun, I answer. It's a recorded message from South Dakota Senator Mike Rounds. I laugh and hang up. You see, I still have a South Dakota number. And even though I have tried to cut ties with South Dakota politics, those bastards still occasionally find me. As a liberal progressive living in a red state I never supported the lame ass Republicans there so I remain mystified why they would call me. My smartphone truly is smart! It knows that when a Republican senator from a state I no longer call home calls that it's spam. I love technology.

Quarantine Treat

So. I had buttermilk that was well past its expiration date. And six overripe bananas. And enough flour for one baking/cooking session. Since chocolate chips never go bad, or at least I've never been known to have them around long enough to test that theory, I went with the bananas and buttermilk. Behold, banana walnut buttermilk pancakes. Garnished with a few walnut pieces and genuine maple syrup. I have to say they were pretty delish. But now I need a nap. Flour is on the shopping list.

He's Got a Name

After much deliberation I have named him Hobbes. It means bright fame. Appropriate for a fellow whose face lights up. He's busy watching YouTube videos on how to construct various types of PPE at home. If you have to go out for provisions, wear a mask and bring along some disinfecting wipes. Otherwise,  stay safe. Stay home. Um, Hobbes, mind if I make a phone call?

I Love Dr Fauci, Part Deux

Big Project

Hanging the barn door yesterday was just the crowning touch to this months long project. This is the entrance to the son's office/studio/man cave. After getting water in this room last spring it was time to strip out the carpet and install some hard surface flooring. But first, identify where the heck the water was getting in and plug that up. Some sealing up around the window well and extending the downspout an additional ten feet seems to have taken care of that. Once the carpet and still damp carpet pad were removed I was delighted to find that the moisture had loosened the original tile which was likely laden with asbestos. No need to grind or sand anything down, the tiles that were still stuck down a bit popped right up using a large putty knife. Then to remove the tack strips and baseboard, clean the concrete thoroughly, and finally filling in any gouges. Once that was done it was time to install the new flooring. I used an inexpensive but stylish adhesive-backed vinyl tile, the same flooring I had used earlier in the downstairs bathroom and laundry room. Despite the low cost it had held up well in higher traffic areas for three years so it seemed a good choice. Then on with painting the room and installing new baseboard. The door to this room had never fit well in its too tight framing. It stuck so solidly at times that Reid nearly yanked it off its hinges when trying to open it. Various smaller fixes had been unsuccessful and eventually some of the framing broke away from the wall. Then a major reworking of the door frame was necessary. Repairing it on the inside of the room and removing it entirely on the outside to allow for clearance of the barn door hardware. The door itself I constructed from a wall panel that I had replaced with a louvered door. Everything was repurposed from items on hand, all that I purchased was the barn door hardware. Today is moving and cleaning day! The son will be happy to have his work space back and I will be happy to clean up yet another remodeling mess. 

Little Project

I've had these cute pottery measuring cups around for over a year. They're not practical for actual use so I've been moving them around trying to figure out how to display them. With things all rearranged during the ongoing kitchen update this spot became the obvious choice. So. There they are. Each with its own cheerful message. A little love, happiness, gratitude, and kindness going into what I cook is always a good thing. And now there they are to remind me.