Let's just get this out of the way, shall we? What if I die on Wednesday?!?!?! Then, I should have a bonfire with my journals. Now. Every surgical procedure, however commonplace or safe, carries risks. Eat whatever I want. Wait, can't do that. Because of the colonoscopy, for which there is the teensiest fraction of a percentage that it could be fatal, I need to, starting today, consume no fiber! That means no veggies, fruits, whole grains, legumes, or nuts. That leaves meat, white bread, eggs, jello. Ewww. Okay, then, I should clean house and catch up the laundry. What if none of my mother's children are destined to live beyond the age of 51? I was pondering a similar quandary last August. Maybe I should just be logical about the whole business. It would be the ultimate irony should I expire during a screening procedure that is proactive for my long-term health! Which in a sick sort of way appeals to me. I am going to be fine!!! And I'm going upstairs now to make French toast and bacon. Which are two things I am allowed to eat today.
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My grandmother has had several colonoscopies and all went just fine. I took her twice so I can warn you about one side effect (that I'm sure you've already been warned about, but maybe they didn't illustrate the enormity of it), you are going to pass more gas afterward than you've passed the past twenty-four months. Easily. The good news is that you'll be so cleaned out from that gallon of crap they make you drink, that it's not really gas, just air, which is odorless.
Please be sure to let us know you made it through. I'm sending good vibes your way (literally good vibes, not good vibes the adult toy site that houses that impressive cache of erotica I can't seem to keep away from. I wouldn't send you that. It'd be like giving crack to a friend. Seriously.)
Go with Jello. More fun.
There is a festival of lechery going on in your sweet little head, isn't there, TF! Thank you for the appropriate good vibes as well as the naughty ones. Having experienced two caesarian births, I figured I was in for the gassy aftermath once more. For the most part I really am calm and confident about having the colonoscopy...I have festivals of various types running through my head all the time. Lecherous as well as calamitous.
But not red Jello, which happens to be my favorite. :(
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