Lessons

The thoughts running through my head while I was washing the dinner dishes were lighthearted and irreverent. So I was surprised to see those ideas morph into something much more serious than I intended when I sat down to do the actual writing of it. But that's how it goes. Writing is a fluid task as well as a solitary one and where it begins isn't always where it ends up. So I offer up a list that is more inventory than confessional in nature. And if it isn't lighthearted, I am left with a lighter feeling heart for having written it down. It feels like the final step toward resetting my moral compass. What follows are the lessons I learned from engaging in an extra-marital affair.

*South Dakota isn't big enough.

*To my own horror, I became frighteningly good at telling lies.

*The lies I told took an enormous emotional and spiritual toll on me as well as others.

*I'm not good at sharing a man with another woman. It seems I am hard-wired for mutual monogamy.

*It still surprises me that I engaged in this completely self-centered behavior. 

*I know in my heart that my affair didn't end my marriage, but it certainly accelerated the process toward dissolution. What ended my marriage were the unaddressed problems that led me to stray. To think that seeking comfort from another man was a reasonable thing to do.

*The downside will likely be much more devastating and painful than any worst case scenario you can imagine.

*I have apologized and done my level best to make amends to those I hurt. As for the rest of you who have passed judgement and perpetuated lies and gossip and misinformation, this is all I have to say. You never had any business taking my marital problems more personally than I did. If my ex and I can treat each other with civility and courtesy then it's about time the rest of you got over it, too.