A year ago today I met Reg. Perhaps the most promising first date I've ever experienced. Alas, it didn't work out. Our relationship, such as it was, was confined to a single month last Fall. Phone and email contact was resumed a couple of times but never resulted in another face-to-face. As sister Pam is wont to say, girl, you dodged a bullet! I hope you heard that in her mellifluous Tennessee/Georgia accent. She was right, on the surface a true connection seemed to have been made. But digging a little deeper I found a man who avoids intimacy and keeps more than a few secrets. Disappointed once again but still resilient, my resolution for this year was to stop actively looking for a man. That I will meet him when I do, it will happen when it happens. I've found myself to be happier focusing on projects around the house, friendships, family and writing. And my three longer term objectives, settling my work comp lawsuit, launching the younger son toward independence, and planning my anticipated move to Colorado. All these things within the framework of dealing with the greatly diminished function of my hands and wrists. I'm a little relieved that Reg moved a couple of hours further away last month. That action on his part solidified the break that I needed to move forward. He's been deleted from my phone since June, I know myself too well and wanted to avoid the two-glasses-of-wine-inspired texting frenzy. I'm into my seventh post-divorce year and still a little surprised that I'm single at this point in my life. I have done considerable work toward shedding the air of desperation that used to hang about me. And filling that void with a confidence that comes from embracing my life for what it is, not what it ought to be or might have been. Here. It's a good place to be.
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2 comments:
No one's life is as it "ought to be". The trick seems to be taking the good with the bad, and trying to keep oneself afloat long enough to achieve something "good".
I hardly have the answers. I just count my blessings daily, try to make wise choices and keep working toward a goal, try to help someone else make the best of each day, and just let the rest go! So far, it's working.
You're not the only one surprised that you're still single, by the way. There simply isn't anyone here that fits the bill. (And, lets face it, even Reg would have been selling short.)
Yep, Here, now ... especially with all hell breaking everywhere else, it's truly not such a bad place to be! : )
I have reconciled to the fact that it's over and whatever small wound was dealt has healed.
For me, the problem is leaving so many what-ifs dangling. I'll likely never know if I would have been, as you say, selling short.
We all arrive with some baggage, particularly at this point in life. There may be dealbreakers in there, maybe not. I'm fortunate enough to be well acquainted with my own and to know what I'll tolerate from another.
It seems the ones who need love and affection the most are the ones who push it away the hardest, often after opening the door just enough to let you halfway in. It takes enormous courage to be vulnerable with another human being. Often you are giving them ammunition that they could use to hurt you later. Trust isn't easy to come by.
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