To Have And To Have Not

Said the guy with questionable facial hair.

As an eyebrow challenged person, I found this to be funny. Eyebrow challenged, you say? Yes. It happened like this. I overtweezed in my teens. Just when they had mostly recovered, I let one of the sketchily trained makeup girls clean up that brow line when I was in my first college play. They never fully grew in again but I was able to fill in the thin spots and look pretty good. Then peri-menopause set in, slapping up my hormonal levels, digestive system, muddying my decision-making skills, and thwarting my eyebrow-growing abilities. By the time I hit fifty what was left of my eyebrows had faded considerably and the outer third of them had just fallen out. Leaving me with a pair of pitiful parentheses hovering over my eyes. Through trial and error with powders and pencils I eventually figured out how to render new eyebrows convincingly. I have been told by many that they look really good and had never suspected that my brows are, for the most part, artfully applied makeup. It doesn't hurt that my eyebrows are viewed through a veil of bangs. That said, I have developed a sort of intolerance for poorly penciled in brows. I admit it, I make value judgments of other women based on their obviously painted on eyebrows. I am that shallow. It would often be better if they didn't bother at all. If Whoopie Goldberg can successfully adopt this look, you can, too! For me personally, though, I generally don't leave the house without my eyebrows. If I do, the fact that they are missing is hidden behind my large sunglasses. I remain convinced that at a certain age, the eyebrow hairs jump off while we are sleeping and stolidly take root in the chin area. Tweezers are a girl's best friend.