Epitaph

You know how it is, sometimes you have to hear a song a number of times before you truly hear it. This morning, as is my Sunday ritual, I made coffee, unearthed the crossword from the depths of the bulky Sunday paper, and put on some music. I chose Mary Chapin Carpenter's most recent cd, Ashes and Roses. And although I have listened to it multiple times as well as hearing her perform most of the songs from it live less than two weeks ago...this morning the third track, The Swords We Carried, it was like I was hearing it for the first time. And not just hearing it, physically feeling it like slamming into a brick wall. Tears. Finally, a sense of catharsis. At last, a musical epitaph befitting the end of my marriage. Sadly, I could not locate a video, so the lyrics will have to do. Thank you, MCC, for speaking the truth of my soul that I couldn't find my own words to express.

Back when I believed in luck and stones & crosses

I'd put a coin found on the street

towards cosmic losses

and passing graveyards in a car

tracing every falling star

luck was never very far from childhood causes

And pennies kissed with wishes arced into the fountains

And time was said to heal all pain

and hope move mountains

and all that could befall a heart

or break this perfect life apart

the swords we carried could not do a thing about them

Away I am going, away I am gone

Ghosts and angels are but memories and visions

and revenants are out there taking up positions

but back when I believed in you

You'd raise the sun and set the moon

how could I help but love you holy as religion

Away you are going, away you are gone

But back when I believed in luck and words as spoken

I found a lie could break and split the world clean open

and grief became my company

pain so deep I could not breathe

all betrayal is like dying in slow motion

Away we are going, away we are gone

Is it luck that makes us shout or makes us whisper

Is it luck that makes us wise or turns us bitter

with our maps that point true north

with our vows we sally forth

the swords we carried can't protect us from each other

Away we are going

Away we are gone

Away we are going

Away we are gone