Thursday, March 15, 2012

The Ice Queen Thaweth

I am just now admitting this to myself. Shhhhh! Don't tell anyone. I would love to be married again. Committed. Partnered. Living in a state of having been mutually chosen as a significant other. Naturally with the usual disclaimers of right person, right time and this short list of qualifications. I've danced around the "M" word for a long while, euphemising my desire to pairbond by saying I'd like to be in a relationship or have a boyfriend or be with someone. Maybe I've just arrived at a place where I can acknowledge my emergent emotional availability. I think I've been in denial, thinking I was already there when my behavior indicated just the opposite. Despising yet reveling in my smartassicequeen persona. Insistent on the perpetuation of my own isolation like it was thrust upon me rather than a choice I was free to make. Wrongly interpreting vulnerability as a weakness rather than the most sublime of strengths. Hey, Mr. Beautiful, Beautiful Name, you thawed me out. A most welcome spring has finally arrived.

No comments: