Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Fool Me Once

It's funny how things turn out. You are the only man I have met in twelve years of being single that I could actually see myself being with. And I can't quite explain that except to say that the quiet was comfortable with you. I am an avowed sapiosexual and proudly admit I was immediately attracted to your brain. You're smart and funny and thoughtful. You paid attention through our weeks of electronic communications and came prepared for our first in-the-flesh meeting knowing that I love a great foot massage and what I enjoy for food and drink. Though I would never have picked you out of a crowded room as someone I wanted to get to know, some things are inevitable. As that crowded room became less crowded, we would have been the last two sitting together laughing and engaging in verbal repartee while the waitstaff yawned and leaned on the bar waiting for us to take the hint to leave. So I've been sad for a while. The hardest thing to let go of, it turns out, and yes, this is the funny part, was the idea of you. The hope that despite the odds that you and I would become a we. Once I did let go, it was easy. Freeing and such a relief. The first time I broke things off with you it didn't feel finished. Which is probably why I took up with you again. Now it does feel finished. Nothing really changed, the same things that distanced us from each other the first time around cropped up again. You fooled me once and then a second time. So, shame on me. All is fair in love and war, I suppose. But that doesn't mean that's how it ought to be.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Well, That Went Fast

A year ago today we arrived at 2534. A weary caravan consisting of me and Newton in the Outback and Reid in his Taurus pulled up in the driveway just after dark. Illuminated by my car headlights, I struggled with the realtor's lockbox attached to the faucet to retrieve the key to the front door. Soon we were inside the echoing space that would in time come to feel like home. And home it is. We've each had a birthday here. Holidays have been decorated for and celebrated. Michael and Liz, Andrea and Nick, Jill, Martine, Tigh, and Kelsey have come to visit. The only thing I miss about 1408 is the huge bathtub in the master bath. Eventually I will have a soaking-worthy tub in my current bathroom. All in good time. It's good to be home.

How Ultracrepidarious of Me

Ultracrepidarian is my new favorite word. Thanks to cousin Cory for sharing it with me. Sounds like an insult Bugs Bunny would hurl in an argument. Based on his use of ultramaroon, which is another terrific word that spell-check does not like. Here is the meaning, should you desire to hurl it about. You know you want to.

Definitions for ultracrepidarian
  1. noting or pertaining to a person who criticizes, judges, or gives advice outside the area of his or her expertise: The play provides a classic, simplistic portrayal of an ultracrepidarian mother-in-law.
  2. an ultracrepidarian person.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Trials of Drying

I bought a dehumidifier yesterday. Or, rather, I ordered one. Despite what it says on their websites, neither of the local building supplies stores carries them as regular inventory. Actually, one of them does, but it was a fancy over-four- hundred-dollars model that was priced beyond what I was willing to spend. The other one appears to have a reasonable $149 model in a reputable brand on hand, but when you try to put it in your shopping cart online for local pickup, it won't allow you to do so. When you click on the icon to determine availability in your area, it tells you this model is not available at any store within 100 miles. It seems that the normal dryness factor in Colorado does not require the running of a dehumidifier to keep your basement smelling sweet and free of dampness. Based on last summer, I would agree. But the deluge of May 8th that dumped 1.5 inches of rain in twenty minutes prompted a local run on dehumidifiers. The $179 unit I ordered will be here Thursday. With any luck, we will have things dried up by then and I'll end up returning it. On the downside, my old reliable Bissell carpet and upholstery cleaner has bitten the dust. Which means I may have to plow the dehumidifier dollars into buying a new Bissell. Pardon me while I try to prevent future water disaster by applying heavy duty weather stripping to the basement windows.   

Guilty. So Very Guilty.

Newton has used up all his Pass Gos and collections of two hundred dollars. Today he is going into lock-up until he relearns the lesson of the litter box. Don't worry, it's a lovely room with a cozy nook with his fave rug, food and water, things to amuse himself, and, most importantly, the litter box. He will receive regular visitors and treats and ferminator grooming. And love. Because despite his extracurricular pooping and peeing, I still love this little monster. With any luck he'll be out by his June birthday. Until then, let's cheer him along until he learns better bathroom etiquette.

Saturday, May 20, 2017


1. The basement carpet still has wet, squishy areas.

2. Item 1 persists despite wet-vaccing, towels weighted down on said wet areas, fans blowing, furnace cranked up, and strategically placed Damp-Rid bags.

3. Due to Items 1 and 2, it's clear I need to purchase a dehumidifier today.

4. I'm convinced that I am compelled to accomplish Item 3 as punishment for staying on budget this month.

5. My cat is a total asshole.

6. After checking the long-term weather, the plants get to spend one more night in the garage.

7. My wireless thermometer is malfunctioning. It is perpetually stuck at 68 degrees.

8. If I had relied on my thermometer, I would have neglected to move my plants inside to avoid the freezing temps and snow.

9. I have had the phone number for a highly recommended massage therapist for over a week.

10. Considering my cranky neck and left shoulder, in reference to Item 9, someone please explain to me why I have not called her and made an appointment.

Odometer Palindromes

These magical numbers popped up while I was on my way to trivia night at Syntax. Naturally I pulled over to preserve this moment. As you can see, the car is clearly in the P for park transmission position. Yes, I find this sort of thing interesting. My brain wiring is such that I enjoy trivia competitions as well. Could there be a connection? I can't say. It's too trivial to consider.