Still My MIL Revisited

I'm angry. And sad. And ultimately there isn't much of anything I can do about it. My former husband's mother, whom I will likely always think of as my mother-in-law, is not long for this world. She has been in a steady decline since last fall when she was hospitalized with pneumonia. Until that point, she had been living independently and doing alright for an 84 year old woman. She was still sharp at card games and was a ruthless Scrabble player. After the pneumonia she was home briefly before returning to the hospital via ambulance with complications and has been in a nursing home since then. Now, after a doctor visit where much testing was done, she has been diagnosed with Stage 4 cervical cancer. My anger kicked in because cervical cancer is among the most treatable of cancers when caught at an early stage, usually through routine pap tests. But at this advanced stage of the disease and considering her other health issues anything but palliative care has been ruled out. So I'm sad. I suppose it's partly just this stage of my own life, parents and others of their generation are passing at nearly regular intervals. There almost isn't enough time in between to gather yourself for the next wave. Audrey and I were never close, we had something of a strained relationship. I regret this even though my ex stands as a witness to the fact that I made an effort, often went above and beyond to try to keep things pleasant. But I failed just as often as I was successful. And sometimes I was just tired of all the drama and immersed myself in being a mom to my sons and keeping my own faltering marriage together. My ex backed me up throughout these difficulties. He surmised that I was a particular brand of weird and his mother was another and we failed to mesh. And that was that. Still, I am saddened by knowing that she has but a few months left among us. I hope her passing is gentle and that she is surrounded by her children and grandchildren until that time comes.