Is My Cat an Asshole, or is he Merely Hungry?

Both, but not necessarily at the same time? Though simultaneous hunger and assholery cannot be ruled out. Case in point, starting at around 5am today. Newton is purring loudly and doing laps around the perimeter of my bed, occasionally stopping to poke his cold little nose in my ear and step on my hair. I hear a noise that sounds a lot like something falling over, but I am not fully awake so I'm not sure. Some time later, maybe just seconds, I swear I'm hearing a dripping noise. Like water. Water? Shit! I feel around in the dark for the switch and turn on the lamp on my nightstand. Shit! Newton had toppled the vase containing a few red sweetheart roses and some Solstice night gathered-from-the-yard greenery. Irritated, I crawl out of my cozy cocoon, now mostly awake and locate a rag to wipe up the water, most of which has already found its way to the floor. Drip. Drip. Drip. Fortunately my little tablet was situated on top of the book I am currently reading and has stayed perfectly dry. Shit again! My book is smackdab in the middle of a puddle! This is how I found myself in the wee hours of this morning sitting in my bathroom blowdrying the mooshy pages of Neil Gaiman's brilliant Norse Mythology. Which is a book totally worth saving. Particularly because it was the last third of the book that was drenched, and since I read as most people do, front to back, those were the pages I hadn't gotten to yet. Turns out Newt's food dish was empty. So I'm a horrible pet mom. He only does shitty middle-of-the-night annoying things if he's out of food and/or water. And when I don't have seasonal flowers in a vase on my nightstand, he usually just tips over the trash and proceeds to chase whatever he finds in it all over the place until I turn on the lights and check his dishes. It's my fault his food was gone. But was he truly hungry? Or just being a jerk? If you ask me, Newton will do just about anything to be the subject of a blog post.