The List

Last winter I made this list. Even before I read the book that recommended that I should make such a list. Much in the same way that I framed and displayed my children's artwork and stacked old suitcases to make a bedside table before, yes, before such ideas appeared in Martha Stewart Living. Sometimes I'm ahead of the curve. So I made this list because I was feeling thoughtful about the qualities that I admired and appreciated in a man. And maybe if I listed these qualities it would help me make healthy decisions in the future should an interesting man worthy of my attention wander into view. The list in its final form contains twenty-two points, all of which are important to me, but only three or four are deal-breakers. Meaning that a man who encompasses all twenty-two qualities would likely be a miracle, so some of them are just nice touches, things that would make him terribly endearing at the get-go, but may not be evident initially, or could be things he would aspire to if he became aware of their importance to me. The few that are deal-breakers are probably things so entrenched in a person that they are not likely to change, and at this point in my life I don't have the energy or time to invest in such a cause. One woman's fixer-upper is another woman's move-in condition. Or something like that. So here's my list. For your perusal and entertainment. If you see such a man, do send him my way.

Bellona’s Grown-Up Wish List For a Man

That She Could Love

1. Healthy, or at least working on it, in mind, body, and spirit.

2. He should smile not just with his mouth but also with his eyes.

3. Doesn’t have to have a regular day job but should be responsible with money.

4. Not too neat and buttoned-up appearance-wise, a little rumpled and goofy is so sexy!

5. He must read! And interested in all kinds of ideas and be able to discuss without lecturing.

6. He must have a creative outlet. Music, painting, drawing, writing. I would love to have someone to sing and/or write with.

7. He must have some sort of spiritual calling, belief in a higher power, feel a connection to the earth as well as the stars.

8. No addictions! Well, coffee’s okay. Nicotine or any tobacco use not okay! Drug or alcohol abuse not okay, but if in the past a history of sobriety essential.

9. Not rigid or negative or angry in thought, anal or overly critical.

10. Able to talk about and express feelings.

11. Must be kind, love animals, laugh easily.

12. Must be comfortable and content at home but also be up for travel, adventure, shared experiences.

13. Must appreciate simple pleasures like cheeseburgers, naps, garden tomatoes, a lovely glass of wine, holding hands, reading to a child, bubble baths and massages.

14. Must be comfortable with affection.

15. Would it be too much to ask if he would rub my feet?

16. Must be confident enough in our bond to let me have my own time and interests away from him.

17. He must love my sons! And my cats.

18. Maybe we could live together in the mountains or near water, build a house that is ours, not mine or his.

19. He must be a grown-up! So I don’t have to be all the time.

20. We must be able to tell each other, in a kind and constructive way, about things that bother/irritate us about each other.

21. He’ll have to dance with me.

22. He must be able to commit to a faithful and monogamous relationship.