Inception Correction

Have you ever wanted a time machine? So you could go back and undo something? Something that on its surface seems benign, innocuous. But there it is. It happened and it changed me though I had no idea at the time. Life-altering things are like that, starting small and snowballing into something much bigger. Something has been put into motion that I could stop if I were motivated to do so. Yet motivation fails to arrive. It seems far easier to hop in the time machine and set the controls for that day and nip this thing in the bud before it begins. The funny thing is, in a year I will probably laugh out loud at this quagmire of my own design that I have stumbled into. Time travelling back would fix it in a second. Time travelling forward is a slog. I'll have to walk through it. Live it. No instant fix. At least the shitty haircut I got in August will be grown out by then. And no, wanting the time machine has nothing to do with my hair.

My Apologies For This

 

Or, more correctly, how to speak with a schlocky Irish Brogue.

 

Vote Your Conscience

 

What the Heart Wants

You are a romantic at heart. You believe in a one true love that is so strong it persists beyond the grave. Like split-aparts. You long for your other half so you will feel whole. Complete. At times you sense that she may be near, a scent upon the breeze or the way the light illuminates a space making the emptiness seem alive. You share bits and pieces of your theories about love with trusted friends but never the whole. You like being enigmatic, such mystery adds to your undeniable charm. It may be entirely subconscious on your part, but every woman you have formed an attachment with, romantic or otherwise, answers to some aspect of a deep memory from before. That very essense is what draws you to her. And when it doesn't work out, you pick up the pieces and fashion them back into a semblance of yourself and move on. The thing is, it's impossible to mold someone into your ideal if she isn't that woman. If you want her to arrive, you must be open to it. You know the safe places where you can drop your adopted disguise and let her in. She's looking for you, too. When you choose with your heart, wholly and without agenda, the split will be mended. You'll be home.   

Mabon Morning

Squirrel company! He blends right in with Edgar and the rusty pink flamingos. Except he's the only one munching on a french fry.

 

Brew of the Moor

A very long time ago I faced the fact that I have a tendency to overaccessorize. It could be said that I get into the shower wearing more pieces of jewelry than most people do when going out for the evening. This is mostly due to laziness. I have five piercings in my ears and the upper three of them sport earrings pretty much all of the time. I swap out the two bottom holes for bling that goes with what I'm wearing. Then there are the seven silver meditation bracelets on my left wrist that I have removed only for things like medical procedures where they make me! At this point I'm up to ten pieces of jewelry worn 24/7. I have more of an affinity with the number eleven, so today I added my Trollbead called Brew of the Moor on a chain as a necklace. I simply could not resist adding it for daily wear. The following was the script on the tag when I bought it.

Awake in silent darkness,

questioning reality,

among young girls dancing carelessly

in the brewing mists of the moor.

Hope usurps reason

when your heart is bewitched.

This is more or less how I have been feeling lately. Mildly distracted, not feeling anchored in space or time. Wondering when I might feel movement in the stars.

 

If You Feed It, It Will Come Back

I wrote this poem years ago. It perfectly describes how I feel tonight.

Feed The Beast

This isn't how it works

I tell myself

Not the way it's gone before

What used to set me free

Does not release me

Instead beguiles me

Tell me, please, am I insane?

Einstein's quote does not apply

Same actions always yielded

Satiation, calm and rest

Expecting something different

Would be crazymaking stuff

Something here has gone awry

Same actions are resulting

In a hunger deep and wide

Demanding to be fed

To be acknowledged, satisfied

I'm puzzled and confounded

Yet without question I comply

To be finally consumed

By this desire bound inside

 

Growlers

Roy Kent, as played by Brett Goldstein on Ted Lasso. Growls when he is at a loss for words or when he is aggravated. Sometimes both at the same time.

Matthew Clairmont, as played by Matthew Goode in A Discovery of Witches. He growls in a way that is both sinister and sexy. But only when that blood rage thing takes over.

 No explanation necessary.

Regrets?

How in the world did I manage to let this one slip away? Nonetheless I did. I suppose it was a little bit him, a little bit me resulting in the not working out. Maybe neither of us was ready. I thought that I was. It would seem that I'm still tweaking the formula.