Merry Christmas, Mom

One of those happy times.

It's Christmas Eve. I'm remembering how much my mom loved Christmas and how December 24, 2009 was the beginning of the end for her. Climbing the stairs to my sister's apartment she didn't feel quite right. She had a difficult time with the stairs and sat down as soon as she got inside. She couldn't get comfortable and she looked very pale, she couldn't catch her breath. It turns out her hip was broken. Even though she was in remission from the multiple myeloma she had been diagnosed with three years earlier, one of the medications that made the remission happen also caused bone loss. Which probably contributed to the hip fracture. So my sis and her son spent hours of Christmas Eve into Christmas morning at the hospital while Mom was in surgery. They did a hip replacement which is standard treatment for this type of fracture and she received full anesthesia for the operation. The elderly don't do so well with anesthesia, the meds are potent and take longer to clear from their systems. I swear Mom was never quite the same after waking up. She was often angry and confused and didn't remember why she was in the hospital. Later, when she was in a nursing home it was the same. She refused to do the physical therapy so she could walk again. Four months later, when Mom took a turn for the worst and ended up in the hospital, I flew down to support my sister and because we thought it might be the end. But she rallied and was placed in another nursing home and went into hospice care. If she didn't want to do physical therapy, she didn't have to. She could have whatever she wanted to eat. I returned home to South Dakota. My sister visited Mom often and took care of things like her laundry. I am so grateful for her attentiveness and care for Mom while I could only check in from a distance. Mom died the end of May, just six weeks after I last saw her. I regret not being able to be there. I regret not having the resources to pay for a better place for her to live out her final days. I regret not having the best long-distance relationship with Mom. I can't change any of those things. I live with them as best I can and try to remember happy times with my mother. There were so many. Now that I'm only ten years younger than Mom when she died, I'm thinking I should get moving on setting down my final wishes and sharing them with my sons. Make it easier for those that I love when I leave them behind. And make the most of the time I have with them now.