There seems to be something in the air, maybe in the water. Something like love, something like split-aparts reuniting, something stirring around that reminds us that we are not meant to go through this life alone. In the last couple of weeks I have heard news of so many people becoming engaged or at last finding a potential mate. Just this last week I was overjoyed to learn that my elder son, Michael, will be marrying Liz when they have both completed school. Congratulations to them as well as the half-dozen other couples embarking on the matrimonial ship. I truly am happy for them, love is a blessing that touches every aspect of life, rendering the good things that much better and the sucky things more tolerable. The flip side of that goodwill, I must admit, is more than a little envy sneaking in around the edges. I'm heartened yet cynical. I feel like I'm living in the uneventful eye while the hurricane of love dances around me. Cupid's arrows fly in a nearby flurry and here I am, clad in Kevlar. And this little news item just in, the one big love of my life recently got married. I'm stunned. All the old heartbroken, bruised up pain has resurfaced like it never left. I'm surprised by this sudden rush of feeling for someone I had no real possibility of reconciling with. Maybe this is just that last vestige of hope dying hard. There's anger lurking around in there, too. Why does he get to be happy with someone else when he so brutally abandoned me? I risked nearly everything in my quiet, safe life to love him, and he disposed of me like nothing significant had ever passed between us. How can it possibly be fair that he's found love again and I'm alone? And the answer is, it isn't fair. And I may never be generous enough to be able to wish him well. I don't like that I feel this way, but I do, and I accept it without dwelling on it. On another note, last night I heard that whacky Elizabeth is engaged. Let's hope that the third time around is the charm for her. My trodden-on yet resilient heart still believes that love will show up on my doorstep once again. Most likely when I least suspect it. How could I possibly not believe when it seems to be in the air all around me.
La Guera suggested I take a look at your blog, as yours and my thoughts on love seem to have coincided some lately. I too am trying to be optimistic about finding love again (I mean, the odds are with me, right?) but it's hard to stand by and watch while other people get theirs.
ReplyDeleteThere's one person at church who we swore was likely gay who is now married (to a woman) and for some reason this elicited in me thoughts of "even HE gets to find happiness". Not that he was anything but nice and deserving - nothing against him at all, really.
So, there are others out there like you, and I figure I'm going to get out and do the things I like to do and try to be optimistic about it. I even bought a queen sized bed yesterday.
Linda
Hi, Linda!
ReplyDeleteI remember seeing you post comments on DKD's blog. But I thought you were in a relationship, maybe that was a while ago.
Definitely go with the queen size, if only for its strong, feminine name! I did and haven't looked back.
It's February, so it's likely I'll babble a fair amount on the subject of love.
Absolutely the odds are with us! I don't have a clue why I remain optimistic, maybe it's just better than being bitter and jaded.