Thursday, June 4, 2009

ReBoot My Subconscious!


Had a rather disturbing dream last night, bordering on the nightmare variety of nocturnal brain activity. Once again, about the former boyfriend whose spectre I just don't seem to be able to shake. In the dream, which I think took place in one of those cute little camping cabins that can be found in South Dakota state parks. I was there, he was there, and this mysterious Asian-looking woman was there. Still not sure who she was, at one point I thought she was his girlfriend/wife, later on in the dream she seemed to be more of a secretary or assistant, she was taking notes and blinking constantly. And creepily, every time she blinked, her eyelids would sort of turn inside-out momentarily, then go back to normal. I was busy trying to get some answers out of the ex and he was busy not cooperating with me. I've heard it said that dreams can be our brains trying to work out problems we face during the day. I've also heard that dreaming is some sort of mindless test pattern that runs randomly and for no reason. All I know is, I have done my best to work out in a conscious state of mind how things went so wrong between us, when it seemed that things were on the verge of going so very, very right. And what I couldn't work out, I have put tremendous effort into letting go and forgiving. But still these shreds of non-closure regularly work their way into my dreams. I have just now realized what needs to be done. And it goes something like this. You know how when you delete a file from your computer, but it hasn't actually been dispatched to some electronic black hole, it has merely been tagged as information that is available space and can be randomly written over and thus obliterated, at any time. But until that actually happens, that deleted file remains as a ghost in your machine. The old boyfriend is a ghost in my machine! Whatever remains unresolved is lingering about waiting to be written over, I just haven't yet had a significant enough romantic relationship to obliterate the old file! I need to be defragged. In the worst way.

2 comments:

  1. Complicated. Who ya gonna listen to, Freud, Adler, Jung, Homer S.?
    When you say defrag it takes me back to those halcyon days in Viet Nam when a frag could cure all sorts of problems. Those were the days! I recommend that you stay out of cute little cabins for a while. And watch the Simpsons. They have answers.

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  2. I must say, few regular guys are comfortable using the word halcyon. And you even spelled it correctly! Ed, you have so many layers...

    It might be nice to be as "uncomplicated" as Homer. I could doze off and dream about ham.

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