I cast my net at the 250 mile mark on the internet dating site. They make you set a mile limit to search for matches, as if it should be obvious how far away Mr. NPbPfM dwells in ignorance of my existance. Arbitrary, yes. My thought was, hey, I'd drive 125 miles for love, if he'd meet me halfway, at least for a while. Until I became jaded or bored or gas goes up to four bucks a gallon, whichever comes first. Also, I've been living in this town of 18,000 or so for thirty years and haven't met any likely locals recently. So I thought (there I go thinking again) I should cast the net far enough to include some nearby urban centers where there would just have to be a few interesting, intelligent, lonely but not desperate men. I am astonished when my weekly matches arrive via email notification, that there are anywhere from 751 to a thousand guys who qualify for potential boyfriending! A thousand! Could this be possible! One explanation is that roughly twenty-five percent of these fellows are invisible. They post no photo but say that their friends describe them as handsome or attractive or good-looking. Hey, Buddy, I don't know these trusted friends of yours, so post a damn photo already! Ahem. Last week I believe three potentials popped up who live locally. One of them seems interesting. But in a hostile, judgemental, holier-than-thou, exasperated, humorless sort of way. He did post a photo, actually three of them. And this is my response to him. I wish you good luck in your quest for a mate, but I feel the need to inform you that your angry attitude coupled with the comb-over-that-fools-nobody disqualifies you from copping a superior attitude.
You're so funny. I came across a few guys like that when I was on eHarmony. It's annoying. But look on the bright side: he wears his douchebaggery on his sleeve. Better that than the old bait and switch routine. *coughmyexhusbandcough*
ReplyDeleteDouchebaggery! I love this term! It's right up there with a word my brother shared with me, cheesedickery. It's likely that a guy who carries around the former would engage in the latter.
ReplyDeleteHostile, judgmental, holier etc., wow, what great adjectives. Does he have any money? These internet hook-up things are not all the commercials say they are? Maybe if you quit trying, someone will show up. Have you tried writing your phone number on various walls? Would a comb-over work for me?
ReplyDeleteAllow me to attempt to answer all of your questions, Ed.
ReplyDelete1. If he has money, it's not near enough.
2. Pretty much nothing, except Lay's Potato Chips, are as they appear in commercials.
3. This wasn't a question, but okay, I'll quit trying and see who shows up.
4. I had two dear friends volunteer to post flyers with my phone # in the local bar men's rooms but I said no, that's okay. I think they just wanted an excuse to bust in on guys in their private space.
5. Ed! You have wonderful hair! There is no need for a comb-over. And they don't work for anyone.