Who Says It's Better The Second Time Around!!

There are no coincidences, there are no coincidences...everyone, repeat after me...there are no coincidences. It is pretty interesting how I observed a video on the mall sign on my way home from work yesterday that caused me to consider relationships and romance and what is genuine and real and good versus that which is manufactured and false and unfulfilling. Then upon arriving home I got a phone call that held the possibility of not spending the evening alone. Then I experienced a fair amount of anxiety, which I later determined was not the butterflies of anticipation sort of anxiousness, but the the sort of unsettledness that comes from feeling pressure and fear. I did slip into a nice, hot bath and sipped a couple of glasses of wine. Picked out something to wear. Wandered around in my bathrobe. Had an interesting discussion of the current political news with the ex when he dropped our son off. I looked outside at the chilly, rainy evening and retired to my bedroom to change into my jammies rather than the cute sweater and jeans and very, very nice underwear I had painstakingly chosen an hour earlier. My phone rang. I let it go to voice mail and then shut it off. Then something occurred to me that made the knot in my stomach fade and disappear. I don't think I'm too good for this guy but I do know that I want and deserve something much better than what we could ever possibly have had together. And while I don't like the idea of being alone for the rest of my life, I have learned that there are many and much worse things than being alone. I learned way back in my twenties that casual sex just doesn't work for me. It seems I'm learning all over again the lessons of dating. And I have to say that it isn't any easier the second time around. I didn't know that there would be a second time around, but here I am in the midst of it.