Of Dreams

Last week I had a seriously weird dream. That my ex and I remarried. A co-worker commented, you mean, a nightmare. Well, it wasn't nightmarish. It was merely weird. And through most of the course of the dream I was wondering where the hell we were going to put his couch. Nothing personal against his couch. It's a very nice couch. That meant he was moving back in with me. Okay, maybe a little nightmarish. Last night was the nightmare. I killed someone, a former boyfriend. And it was so very, very real that this creepy feeling has hung with me most of the day. I was leaving a house I didn't recognize, walking through a couple of rooms and down a hallway that led to a foyer area with a door, I assumed that it led outside, that was ajar. The former sweetheart was sort of casually leaning against the jamb of this partly opened door. He was smiling at me. I smiled back and said something about needing to go and gave him a playful shove in the middle of his chest. He lost his balance and fell against the door and it swung wide open. It didn't lead outside. It was a stairwell. At least a two story deep stairwell. Without any stairs. He fell to the bottom and there was a horrible, squishy sounding thump as he landed. He looked something like a puddle of arms and legs and twisted clothing, then it just looked like there was shallow standing water in this basement of my nightmare. I was horrified. And then I woke up. I don't know that it means much of anything at all. I know that when we were involved I whispered little prayers for his safety at times because I was aware that he enjoyed swimming and rock climbing. Often alone and sometimes in remote areas. Maybe it's a sign that I finally have emotionally killed off his memory, deliberately causing his demise in a fashion that I feared he would unintentionally use to recklessly do himself in. Well, I am a pragmatic sort of girl. So it seems perfectly reasonable that I'd wonder where to put a couch that doesn't fit anywhere in my house. The waking me wonders where the hell I'd put the ex-husband.