What a relief. You don't realize how heavily and constantly something can weigh on your brain until it goes away. For any of you who are squeamish about the discussion of gynecological issues, this serves as a warning that such is about to be discussed. Okay, now that we have the room to ourselves, ever heard the term dysplasia? It means the abnormal development of tissues, organs or cells. Mine was on the cellular level and showed up last summer on a routine pap test. I have never, never, never given a second thought or lost a moment's sleep over a pap test. I have sweated bullets over a mammogram and lost nearly a full night's sleep over the anticipation of an ultrasound. But worry over a pap test? Out of sight, out of mind! I assumed the inner recesses of my feminine organs were just fine, never gave me a bit of trouble. But then this dysplasia thing shows up. I had a second procedure called a colposcopy to investigate further. Everything looked healthy and normal. Whatever was going on in there, my gynecologist assured me, was of a pre-pre-pre-pre-pre-pre-pre-cancerous nature. But it made me think. Think about the state of my life. What if I really was sick? Were there things I had overlooked and not tended to that I ought to tend to? During this thinking mode, I made a few phone calls. Sent a couple of emails. Made a resolution nowhere near the new year to be better about taking care of things in the moment. Don't leave things hanging. Be clear and kind. Remember how to apologize. Generally good habits to adopt which I'm happy to say I'm still making a genuine effort on. And then I started doing something else. When I meditate, I light a white candle. The candle is symbolic of white light, which holds within it the powers of protection, courage, and healing. During meditation I send white light to those that I love, particularly to those who are having a difficult time. So last August, I turned that white light toward myself, specifically toward my aforementioned inner feminine recesses. I focused on engaging my immune system to protect and defend my cervix and uterine lining. All I know is, yesterday I held a letter in my hand from the clinic. I held it for a while before finally opening it. The news was good. My dysplasia was gone, retest in six months just to be sure. I blinked back a few tears as I read and stuck the letter up on the bulletin board over the phone in the kitchen. I was relieved. I was happy. I was better.
Better is gooder. Mind should be directed to ones self fairly often or ones self will not be able to do what so many do, for example, worrying about others too much. Some guy once said that everything will be just fine if you let it. I believe he was right. Glad you're gooder.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ed. We women forget to put ourselves first at times. When we're mothers and work and have homes to manage we need to remember to keep ourselves in the loop. Sometimes we need a little wake-up call to get those priorities straight. I do my best to NOT interfere with fine! Fine is good.
ReplyDeleteYep, a woman friend of mine is lying in a bed in the hospital because she ran herself down. Talked to her last night and reminded her sternly that if she does not take care of herself, she won't be taking care of anything. You girls are often not "selfish" enough. Have some chocolate!
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