Monday, June 30, 2014

Breaking My Rule

I did something last week in this space that I had never done before. In fact, the deed was a thing that I swore I would never do. It took seven years, four months, three weeks and four days to break my one rule of thumb. That rule being, that I would write about whatever was on my mind and that I would consider each blog post to be a snapshot. An accounting of how I felt or what I thought at the moment that I sat down to type. And that each and every post would stand, as written, and that no matter how I felt or thought about the post at a later date it would remain in the queue. I do allow myself to go back and correct glaring grammatical or semantic errors without noting such changes. Bigger alterations, like a continuity error, incorrectly quoting someone or adding new developments are usually made clear in a footnote or comment. I thought it was imperative to follow this self-imposed rule for one reason. Validity. I don't allow myself to go back and gratuitously reverse edit my life here. Part of the fun is to have a good laugh sometimes months after the fact regarding a topic that was making me a little crazy at the time. My own personal insight into this process is seeing how pointless it is to agonize over things that eventually sort themselves out. I also recognize that this can be a venting space that provides precisely what it sounds like. A place to channel energy that needs a place to go. If I go back to substantially change any post without a notation explaining why, I feel that I would lose integrity. Not that anyone is looking over my shoulder. Except maybe you. And that's why I felt the need to explain. Last week I wrote a lengthy post that was titled For What It's Worth. It was up for about three days. And meant for one specific person's eyes. I don't know if he saw it. It was a last ditch effort to communicate with someone who was ignoring me. A public airing of a plea that I later chose to delete. It never should have been shared in this forum. If I ever have the opportunity to speak to the person in question about what I wrote here, it will be face to face. More difficult? Yes. Embarrassing? Probably. And I'll tell you about it here. 

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