Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Calling a Truce

Mostly I find myself able to let go of things that really aren't important. I'm not a worry wart. I don't keep score in personal relationships nor am I competitive. But once in a while something nags at me until I sort it out. A good example of understanding following acceptance. For the last two weeks, I've been like an annoyed dog worrying away at a bone and just this morning I chomped my way through and figured out why. Duh. Without going into details, this situation turned out to be a clear demonstration of when a person reacts in a particular way to something pretty innocuous, it reveals much more about them than they likely intend. This being the second occurrence of conflict in a month's time with the same friend, I did what I often do. Beat up on myself for being me. Until the light bulb in the thought bubble appears. To my relief and gratitude. In both instances I apologized to her if my manner of expressing myself offended her in any way. Her response in the first disagreement was to attempt to find for me another way to feel when I didn't require one. The second time she became defensive and insisted that my choice of a particular word to describe how I felt was wrong. Though the subject matter of these two conflicts was very different, it finally occurred to me what the common thread within was. She was telling me how I should feel about something. When I was perfectly fine with how I felt. It wasn't a problem in search of a solution. It was simply how I felt. The fact that she has twice felt compelled to correct what she interprets as my wrongthink is a mystery to me. It also makes me feel a little uncomfortable in her company, which up until recently I have enjoyed. I anticipate getting back to friendly comradery with her even though I feel a bit on guard. Because I haven't a clue if or what or when something I say in passing might set her off. But let's be clear. I would never presume to tell anyone how they ought to feel about anything. And my expectation, especially among friends, is to have that privilege extended to me.

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