Sunday, August 12, 2012

Epitaph

You know how it is, sometimes you have to hear a song a number of times before you truly hear it. This morning, as is my Sunday ritual, I made coffee, unearthed the crossword from the depths of the bulky Sunday paper, and put on some music. I chose Mary Chapin Carpenter's most recent cd, Ashes and Roses. And although I have listened to it multiple times as well as hearing her perform most of the songs from it live less than two weeks ago...this morning the third track, The Swords We Carried, it was like I was hearing it for the first time. And not just hearing it, physically feeling it like slamming into a brick wall. Tears. Finally, a sense of catharsis. At last, a musical epitaph befitting the end of my marriage. Sadly, I could not locate a video, so the lyrics will have to do. Thank you, MCC, for speaking the truth of my soul that I couldn't find my own words to express.

Back when I believed in luck and stones & crosses
I'd put a coin found on the street
towards cosmic losses
and passing graveyards in a car
tracing every falling star
luck was never very far from childhood causes

And pennies kissed with wishes arced into the fountains
And time was said to heal all pain
and hope move mountains
and all that could befall a heart
or break this perfect life apart
the swords we carried could not do a thing about them
Away I am going, away I am gone

Ghosts and angels are but memories and visions
and revenants are out there taking up positions
but back when I believed in you
You'd raise the sun and set the moon
how could I help but love you holy as religion
Away you are going, away you are gone

But back when I believed in luck and words as spoken
I found a lie could break and split the world clean open
and grief became my company
pain so deep I could not breathe
all betrayal is like dying in slow motion
Away we are going, away we are gone

Is it luck that makes us shout or makes us whisper
Is it luck that makes us wise or turns us bitter
with our maps that point true north
with our vows we sally forth
the swords we carried can't protect us from each other

Away we are going
Away we are gone
Away we are going
Away we are gone

   

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