Monday, October 10, 2011


A quality I'm usually pretty sure that I possess. Though I'm learning to be more generous with it. I was married for twenty years, so enough things were working enough of the time that it seemed like a reasonable thing to be doing. If both of us share responsibility for the failure of our marriage, by the same token we should each take credit for our contribution in making it work. In this spirit, then, today I offer a list.

Ten Things Allen Got Right

1. He was, and continues to be, a very good father.

2. After a tumultuous childhood that included sexual and emotional abuse, he made me feel safe for the first time in my life.

3. He dealt well with my extended family, particularly my mom.

4. We agreed on the division of labor for tasks around the house and yard. This is a major bone of contention in most marriages and it seemed effortless for us.

5. Being half Dutch, he was very responsible with money.

6. He quit smoking. Probably as much for me as he did for himself, ten months into our relationship.

7. He appreciated my cooking.

8. He rubbed my feet. Any man who does a great foot massage is a gift from the Goddess.

9. We worked well together on building and remodeling projects. From inception and design to finish we were a great team. Garage, decks, garden shed, complete kitchen remodel, basement finishing and a major addition. The house that I still enjoy living in is testament to this cooperation.

10. I never doubted that he was faithful to me.


colleen said...

Damn, sounds pretty good.

I might have kept him! lol

Bellona of Avalon said...

Hey, this was an effort in positive thinking!

I could very easily write a list twice this long of negatives! Of why it didn't work, of how it went wrong. The older, wiser, clearer me is more interested in why I stuck it out for twenty years than why it failed or assigning blame.

Finding a place of acceptance as well as understanding is crucial to the unloading of emotional baggage. In the final assessment of anything that has come to an end, particularly that which required enormous investment, forgiveness and generosity are the only things that truly heal.