In the Air

There seems to be something in the air, maybe in the water. Something like love, something like split-aparts reuniting, something stirring around that reminds us that we are not meant to go through this life alone. In the last couple of weeks I have heard news of so many people becoming engaged or at last finding a potential mate. Just this last week I was overjoyed to learn that my elder son, Michael, will be marrying Liz when they have both completed school. Congratulations to them as well as the half-dozen other couples embarking on the matrimonial ship. I truly am happy for them, love is a blessing that touches every aspect of life, rendering the good things that much better and the sucky things more tolerable. The flip side of that goodwill, I must admit, is more than a little envy sneaking in around the edges. I'm heartened yet cynical. I feel like I'm living in the uneventful eye while the hurricane of love dances around me. Cupid's arrows fly in a nearby flurry and here I am, clad in Kevlar. And this little news item just in, the one big love of my life recently got married. I'm stunned. All the old heartbroken, bruised up pain has resurfaced like it never left. I'm surprised by this sudden rush of feeling for someone I had no real possibility of reconciling with. Maybe this is just that last vestige of hope dying hard. There's anger lurking around in there, too. Why does he get to be happy with someone else when he so brutally abandoned me? I risked nearly everything in my quiet, safe life to love him, and he disposed of me like nothing significant had ever passed between us. How can it possibly be fair that he's found love again and I'm alone? And the answer is, it isn't fair. And I may never be generous enough to be able to wish him well. I don't like that I feel this way, but I do, and I accept it without dwelling on it. On another note, last night I heard that whacky Elizabeth is engaged. Let's hope that the third time around is the charm for her. My trodden-on yet resilient heart still believes that love will show up on my doorstep once again. Most likely when I least suspect it. How could I possibly not believe when it seems to be in the air all around me.