Wednesday, December 31, 2008

OMG, I Have Bangs!!

Me. And Gin. Having a lovely time on New Year's Eve...hmmm...I think 2002. Or maybe '03. At Bob & Cindy's house. Has it been that long since I wore bangs? And why did I ever think bangs were a good idea? 2008 has been a long, strange trip with some prayers and questions answered, others sidelined, and new ones popping up here and there. Here's to 2009 and all the prayers and questions and answers it will surely encompass.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Hypnotic Dirty Girl Scouts, etc.

So many rainbow colored shots, so little time. And as I opened my door and realized it's already tomorrow and crept off to bed, these song lyrics popped into my head.

Self-contained and self-content
No promises to keep
I've got things so together
That I just can't fall asleep
Walked the night and drank the moon
Got home at half-past four,
And I knew that no-one marked my time
As I unlocked my door.
It's really lovely to discover
That you like to be alone
Not to owe your man an answer
When he gets you on the phone
Not to share a pair of porkchops
When you crave champagne and cheese
And your aim becomes to please yourself
And not to aim to please
Oh they sold me when they told me
Two can live as cheap as one
But I'm learning twice you're earning
Doesn't mean it's twice the fun
If you spend your each dime and all your time
On someone else's schemes
I'm not needy but I'm greedy
And I live my deepest dreams
Take an hour in the shower
Use the water while it's hot
In the tub a hand to scrub my back
Is all I haven't got.
Self-aware with self-esteem
Is selfishness a crime?
I take the day for quite a ride
And I take my own sweet time
Time to spare and time to share
And grateful I would be
If just one damn man would share the need
To be alone with me.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Twas the Saturday After Christmas

It's fifteen minutes til A Prairie Home Companion. I'm still in my pajamas even though I got up a little after eight this morning. A couple of hours ago I considered getting dressed. I would have put on sweats, so I thought, why bother? I just made a grilled cheese for the 16yo who claimed to be too stupid to do it himself. I like to reward creative excuse conjuring. I pulled the new microwave out of its box and set it up on the counter. The final arrangement of counter items is not complete since I need to get one of those tilted plug-in thingys to facilitate plugging it and the toaster into the outlet behind the microwave. The previous model is over 22 years old and was no longer up to many culinary tasks and took up too much space for its use as a kitchen clock and timer. So far I've made popcorn and heated up chili conqueso. Suddenly it makes complete and perfect sense to me that the fattening up of America has taken place along with the popularization of the microwave oven. Food! Hot! Eat! Now! Instant gratification eating. All those leftovers that used to get thrown out are now being consumed. No wonder we're fat! I also removed the small TV from the counter. I may miss the company in the kitchen so we'll see if it eventually returns at a later date. Other than that I've primarily been dinking around. Isn't that what Saturday is for?

December Deep Questions #1 & #2

If freak show is an accurate description of the dating world out there, since I am participating in it, does that make me a freak? Which reminds me of a line from a Hank Harris song, Piece of Light...

sometimes it feels like a freak show
nobody's rowing in your boat

Maybe I'm just a lone woman in a boat, rowing away in a sea of freaks. How far is it to shore?

Friday, December 26, 2008

From Santa's Bag to my Ears

My boys came through for me! All I wanted for Christmas were pink earbuds. And there they are. In all their pink, shiny glory. Does anyone else love the smell of new plastic?

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Christmas Morning

I love Christmas morning! Cinnamon rolls in the oven. Pachelbel's Canon in D playing. Boys still sleeping. I'm in my jammies and may still be in them well into Christmas afternoon. It's definitely a white one here, but I see only incriminating bunny tracks in the snow, no reindeer hoof prints. Santa-Mom did visit, however, stockings aren't just stuffed, they are overflowing. The oven timer calls! There are boys to rouse, rolls to gobble and trinkets to check out. I love Christmas morning.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Cat's Pajamas

I can't believe how lost I am without a Sunday morning newspaper! I am going through crossword withdrawal! Due to the locally, regionally actually, foul weather the Sunday paper did not arrive today. So I'm baking banana walnut bread and taking pictures. From a couple of days ago, my goofy green-haired son with Einstein the cat.

An orange scone from Panera. One of the loveliest edibles on the face of this Earth.

Okay, so they're not really the cat's pajamas, they're my pajamas with cats on them.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

December Rant #4

Stop telling me what a great sense of humor you have! Amuse me already!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

December Rant #3

At the risk of seeming not grateful, even though I am grateful, I must get this out of my system. First off, I will admit that my snow removal efforts are minimal. I chip away at it and eventually do a passable job. My ex brought over his snow blower and cleared the snow off of my driveway. Which was a very nice thing to do. I thanked him. He said he had to. That picking up and dropping off our son was just too difficult and annoying with the mostly unshoveled state of my driveway. He couldn't do it just to be nice! In the process he found it necessary to belittle my snow removal ethic! If such a thing can be ethical. Passive-aggressive snow blowing. That's why I divorced him.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Christmas Tea

Nancy just wanted a little glass of wine. I'm so happy I could accommodate her wishes. The polar bear mug has become my favorite this season. I like his fancy necklace. I also like the fact that the cup holds nearly half a pot of coffee. Wine? Coffee? I thought this was a tea party! There was tea available! English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick and Orange Spice, to be precise. So in addition to offering the appropriate size and type of container, I also like to provide a selection of beverages to go inside. It's all in an afternoon of being the (perfect) hostess.

Thursday, December 11, 2008


In approximately 40 hours, I'm hosting a Christmas Tea. Here. In my disastrously messy, only partially decorated home. And what have I done about it? Well, tonight I brought home take-out Chinese and sat around with the green-haired son and ate, yakked and listened to music and discussed many random and fascinating things. Right smack in the middle of this disastrously messy, only partially holiday decorated house. When in approximately 40 hours I'll have guests. And when you consider that I'll need something on the order of 16 of those hours for sleeping and nine of those hours for working, that leaves 15 hours for cleaning, decorating, and food preparation. Not to mention the time involved to clean, decorate, and dress ME! This is much too complex and difficult to consider right now. Think I'll have to sleep on it.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

So Proud

What can you expect from the son of a pierced and tattooed mother? Up until today he has been perfectly normal. At least from outward appearances. I was beginning to worry. Isn't it festive?

Sunday, December 7, 2008

!oH !oH !oH

Message observed from the backside of a local Santa themed holiday flag. This phrase could be used as a universal response to many seasonal situations.

* Only eighteen shopping days left!

* The in-laws will be spending an entire two weeks with us!

* That pink slip in my mailbox isn't an invite to the office holiday party?

* Mom, Santa's hands are cold!

* The family dog/cat/hamster tries to distract you from the mess under the tree by acting all affectionate by the back door when you get home.

*Mom, we baked cookies while you were gone! The smoke alarm really works!

*How Mrs. Claus reacts to the head elf's amorous advances when Mr. Claus flies off with the reindeer.

Make up your own! It's holiday fun for everyone!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

December Rant #2

I've been sick all week. I ran my butt off for over 45 hours at work. Two evenings this week I only had tea and toast for supper. I have not been feeding my cold. I have not been overindulging, or even indulging, in treats of any kind. And yet I gained a pound and a half this week. At the very least, I'd think any weight gain should be offset by what I'm blowing out of my nose.

The Plan

You've got to have a plan, that's what I always say. It doesn't have to be a brilliant one. Not even a particularly good one. And if it's not working, having a back-up, or Plan B, is usually a good idea. Actually, I'm more of a winging it, seat of the pants kind of girl. I know what I want, more importantly I know what I don't want, but mostly I'm bewildered over how exactly to go about attaining what I desire. That must be why I enjoy shopping. I almost always have a list but at heart I'm a gatherer who peruses with interest whatever catches my eye. I wander about, sometimes aimlessly, until I stumble across, spot, or have fortuitously dropped into my lap precisely what I'm looking for. But with the deadline looming for the lab holiday party replies, I needed at least a facsimile of a plan. So not-my-daughter Nancy and I came up with one. We decided to turn in our invites requesting reservations for ourselves plus a guest! With nary a guest/date in mind. Hey, the party isn't until January! Anything could happen in the next month. After all, the season of miracles is upon us, right? Here is where the plan comes in. If we haven't secured a guest/date by the weekend prior to the party, we hang out on a downtown street corner with a sign.

Free Meal at the Shamrock!
Apply Here!
Must own a (clean) shirt with buttons
and shoes other than
the white athletic variety.
Must be willing to wear these items
for the duration of the evening.

If we don't get any bites, we'll attend together and eat one meal and doggy-bag the other. Another good thing is that the Shamrock is only four blocks from my home. Which means I can drink as much as I want and not worry about driving! No matter what the weather might be, I can walk, crawl, or slide those four blocks home. And it's mostly downhill. Like I said, you've got to have a plan. If you have a better one, please submit for my consideration.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

December Rant #1

Did you see that gorgeous crescent moon with Jupiter and Venus last night? It was an astonishing and beautiful sight in the southwestern sky. Gave me chills. Won't happen again until 2052, they say. Might be worth sticking around for. I can't believe the 16yo ate the ENTIRE bag of Lay's Classic potato chips! I am so annoyed! Can't eat just one indeed! Did they mean one chip or one whole bag? I had a Nyquil hangover til just after lunch today. The stuff clears up my ear congestion and helps me sleep but I seem to process it verrrrry sllooowwwly, making me feel slightly air-heady and disconnected for well over the twelve hours it is supposed to last. Alas, the pie is no more. One of the most wonderful things about holidays is having pie around for breakfast. If everyone could have pie for breakfast the world would be a much better place. It's snowing! Haven't caught a glimpse of the new neighbors yet but there are signs of activity. Various vehicles and trailers arrive and depart. There is a very tacky doghouse sitting on the strip of lawn between my driveway and theirs. They are painting the interior of the sunporch. White! How disappointing. Loved that dark red that's being covered up. And, no, I'm not window peeping, my patio door faces their patio door and I couldn't help but casually observe in the glaring light the ladder and stripe of white paint over the red. No people, though. Very mysterious. Yes, I mostly enjoy my job. But for crying out loud (-er than necessary) I am sick of planting test samples of seed corn!! And finally, I am not enjoying one little bit encountering those creepy, crawly, thousand-legged, inch or so long critters in my basement and having to dispose of them! Thank you for your kind indulgence, I'll be having my hot chocolate and heading off for bed.